I’ll admit it…I’m broken. I’m so ashamed of myself. Look at me. I say I’m strong and I can do it. But, what the heck am I doing?
I’ve been turning to all the wrong things to make me happy. To help me either accept or forget what has been going on with me and around me.
I don’t want do this anymore because I know 10 times better than what I am right now. I know what’s ahead of me….I can’t waste it.
I’m sure I’ll be fine
it just sucks telling the person you love to go be happy when their plans of happiness don’t include you.
It’s been a year….and I realize how hard it actually is to live without you.
I tried. I tried as hard as I could, I’m telling you. I even prayed. I prayed everyday and so hard. I spent nights asking God for at least something to happen…to provide for me. But, it just isn’t happening. I’ve been criticized, and put on the spot by some people…Believe me…I was trying. Rejection after rejection…I am honestly starting to believe that something is currently wrong with me. It’s been affecting me deeply. Harsh enough to affect my self-esteem and confidence. Thanks to all who tried to help me out….but, please believe me…I tried. But, I just lost the confidence to push through. And I know I need the confidence to do real work for a real boss.
It has certainly gotten to a point where I don’t want to waste my effort in taking another chance. I’m still praying…I’m talking to people who are truly there for me…you know who you are. Thanks for the support. I’m certainly deeply affected by what has been happening the past several months (or even year I guess). A lot has been going on (with people, family, losses, relationships, myself) and I barely have enough time to catch up and soak it all in. I just find myself in my room asking, “What is going on?” I’ve been tired…just really tired. The emotional and mental stress has really been affecting me physically and my sleep.
It’s been hard…I want to believe that God will make things happen for me, but I know that isn’t really it. I’ve just accepted that I should just continually follow God’s plan for me. He will eventually provide something far beyond my current desire.